Day One: Check.
Well I lived through it. I am so dissapointed with how I did on my first day. The day ended badly, with my class. I went so fast. I ended up with an extra 30 minutes of nothing. I went through my outline, expectations, and even the icebreaker. The more nervous I became the faster I went.
Grr.. I tend to beat myself up alot over little things, and certainly this is the case. I should have paced myself better, but I always do this.. I rush through things alot when I'm not talking about Math or something I'm not comfortable talking about. One of my flaws, I know. The students don't care that I messed up, they were actually pretty good. It's just I'm being way too hard on myself. I do this for every presentation that I do.
I feel like I'm having an epiphany, is this really where and what I want to be doing for the rest of my life. Maybe it's just first day anxiety, and I'll get over it in the next couple of days/weeks. But right now, I just feel like quitting and crawling under a bridge to cry. I know I'm definitely blowing things out of proportion over a minuscule event, but that's how I feel. The thing is I want to get my masters in Education technology, and this teaching "gig" feels unnecessary.
This feeling is the exact same way I felt when I got my first job. I wanted to quit the second day because I hated feeling new to something I was unfamiliar to. But you know what, I toughed it out and managed to work another 8 months after that second day. I made some good friends and learned to build relationships with young people. So maybe this feeling will go away, actually I know this feeling will go away. It's just getting over that hill is what's getting me down. I probably will say 4 months from now the exact same things I said about my first job. It's just day one, right? Tomorrow is another day.
Mood: sadly defeated