A Sitting Duck...
It's been a while since I last wrote. To be honest, I've been trying to avoid updating my current status in which I call life. I haven't gotten anywhere that I've needed to go in the last four months. I've just been a sitting duck. I have had some meltdowns and I'm still recovering about how to continue on within the next year.
It's been really hard for me to grapple with the fact that sometimes people have that time in their life where it isn't going where they want it to go. That nothing is changing. That nothing is moving. And I guess that's where I am. I had a feeling that I would struggle with getting a job after graduation. I think it happens to everyone. I mean it takes a couple of tries to climb that mountain, right? And what do we do? We keep trying, we keep climbing, and we don't give up.
I just see so many other people and their successes. Then I compare them to me and how I've got none of that. Sure I might sound like I'm whining. Probably am. But the reality is I'm just not sitting here, I am actually putting myself out there.. but no one wants to see or hear me. So really, is it me? or is it them? Am I doing something wrong? Or can I do more? I don't know.
It's hard to not have that support I need as well. She puts her on a pedestal and me in the dirt. I just wish that she can tell me 'I'll get there'. Or you know what will happen?.. I'll fall down.
I just hate seeing my life sitting still and everyone else's moving on. So to be brief, I have no job, not even subbing because they won't call me. I'm still living here working at my part time job. I'm going back to school to get my TESL certification because one day I would like to go to Hong Kong to teach English and to give myself more job opportunities. I mean at least I'm doing something right? I don't know, I try to tell myself that to make me feel better. This feeling sucks.
Music: Brendan James