justagurl24's thoughts

I view people as they are users. I have much of a mind of that as a computer scientist has. You see, when computer programmers are designing programs, they are always thinking about the user. These programmers consider possible worst case scenarios, error analysis, and debugging problems. These could be entering a wrong answer into a program, and what the program will spit out to the user to not let it happen again. So as a designer, he/she must send out a error message to the user.

I am constantly thinking about what the user/person could be thinking or what they are going to do next. Then I think about the pros and cons of a situation. Following that I analyze the possible options/outcomes of my decisions in regards to that person/situation.

You might say I over analyze things, but you know what? My "users" appreciate that about me because I am always thinking and watching out for them.

Be aware of your audience.

Music listening to: Kina Grannis

Posted by rom559 at 02:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

It's been a while since I last wrote. To be honest, I've been trying to avoid updating my current status in which I call life. I haven't gotten anywhere that I've needed to go in the last four months. I've just been a sitting duck. I have had some meltdowns and I'm still recovering about how to continue on within the next year.

It's been really hard for me to grapple with the fact that sometimes people have that time in their life where it isn't going where they want it to go. That nothing is changing. That nothing is moving. And I guess that's where I am. I had a feeling that I would struggle with getting a job after graduation. I think it happens to everyone. I mean it takes a couple of tries to climb that mountain, right? And what do we do? We keep trying, we keep climbing, and we don't give up.

I just see so many other people and their successes. Then I compare them to me and how I've got none of that. Sure I might sound like I'm whining. Probably am. But the reality is I'm just not sitting here, I am actually putting myself out there.. but no one wants to see or hear me. So really, is it me? or is it them? Am I doing something wrong? Or can I do more? I don't know.

It's hard to not have that support I need as well. She puts her on a pedestal and me in the dirt. I just wish that she can tell me 'I'll get there'. Or you know what will happen?.. I'll fall down.

I just hate seeing my life sitting still and everyone else's moving on. So to be brief, I have no job, not even subbing because they won't call me. I'm still living here working at my part time job. I'm going back to school to get my TESL certification because one day I would like to go to Hong Kong to teach English and to give myself more job opportunities. I mean at least I'm doing something right? I don't know, I try to tell myself that to make me feel better. This feeling sucks.








Music: Brendan James

Posted by rom559 at 05:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So I am still on the job hunt. I had an interview yesterday, it didn't work in my favour. Oh well. I was most likely considered because the principal came from the same small town I came from. And the fact that my co-op used to teach there. Exactly, how do these divisions decide who to interview? Who do they shortlist? I mean, is there some kind of bias or something? "Oh I recognize some of these names, let's give em an interview.. these other ones we'll throw away"

The College promotes heavily on the need and demand for Math/Science teachers. So I went with the flow, I chose Math and Comp Sci. Any jobs available when I graduate? Nope.. Their recruitment strategies are a little misleading, if I don't say so myself.

Music: Radio Disney

Posted by rom559 at 03:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Six years ago today, a friend of mine and her sister died in a car accident. It was a life changing experience for me. It made me question life and significance of God. I can still remember that day as if it happened yesterday. She was the only friend of mine that was supportive of my decision to become a Christian. When she died, the importance of religion vanished. I couldn't devote my life to Jesus Christ when one of my friends had just been taken away from me.

Till this day, I still question religious views. Ever since that day, I have believed that everyone needs some kind of spirit to guide them through life. I could be wrong but who knows what's right? So I believe in having faith that there is a God, that there is something out there beyond this life.

My friend wanted to be a teacher after she graduated high school. I still wonder where she would be today if she had been able to live her life. It was too soon. Too soon to be taken away from her friends and her family. Especially her parents, the only two children they had, their life changed in a flash.

J and A, you're still in our hearts. We know you're still watching over us.

Posted by rom559 at 10:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So I haven't written in a while. School ended like a month ago. It was kind of sad. I got sentimental, of course. Thinking about the last times I walked through the Education Building, through those hallways and classrooms where I met so many awesome future teachers. I may never see these people again. They might not even remember who I am in 5 years. But that's reality I guess. Finishing school, getting a job, going out into the real world. It's all apart of life. It saddens me as it does for anyone who leaves behind really great friends and people.

I finished exams like 2 weeks ago, and received my marks back for the classes. I did well. I sent in two resumes for two jobs, so hopefully there is some chance of a job by the end of August.

So what have I been doing? Nothing really. I'm still reading all the blogs I follow. Which reminds me that I should collect all the goodies that I find on blogs in one place. I also need to clean up my room, because it just needs a cleanup. I had to send in my laptop for repairs.. cause I may have crashed the hard drive.. lol.. So I've been using this crappy desktop one. I have to wait like 2 weeks! I got my passport last week, so now I can actually leave the country.. but not planning to travel anytime soon though.

I've been thinking if (that's a giant if) I do get one of the jobs I did apply for, I'll have a ton of unit planning to do. It's like 4 Math classes, 3 computer classes, and 1 accounting class. Isn't this position so perfect for me with all the experience I had in internship? It is so ideal. I really hope I am the most qualified. I'm kind of freaking out that I might not have a job at the end of the summer. I hear from my peers that they're getting subbing jobs.. and some contracts. I don't even have a prospect. Am I really going to be working as a cashier for the rest of the year? I really hope not. Maybe I'll try Alberta, if I'm that desperate. Btw, I really want my teaching certificate. I paid for the transcript, and I'm done all my classes. It should be coming right?

Well, I should start cleaning this pigsty of a room. Until later, cheers.

Music listening to: American Idiot OBCR

Posted by rom559 at 05:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So, a couple of weeks ago, Dean Shareski from the UofR shared that one (Kyle) of his students had made his opinion heard through his blog toward some education head honchos. Dean's post spoke about the role of ethics in blogging. It made me question the kinds of things I myself say on this blog or on any other public forums for that matter. Are we not allowed to express our opinion? It's public domain, I believe we have the right. If Kyle had not written about what he had written, he would have never even been heard.

I guess in the scheme of things, there are pros and cons to it. But for me, I love to blog. It's the only place where I can express my thoughts and on the random occasion, someone actually listens.. I don't think Kyle should have been penalized to expressing his opinion through his blog. I think the only way to make a statement is to let other people know. Sure I see the other side of it, where Kyle could have approached the educative administration in private to discuss his issues, but I believe the other way is justified.

Blogs are meant for sharing and expressing ideas. They're like newspapers nowadays.. If you don't like to read it then don't attack it for having a view.

Posted by rom559 at 09:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So I've been noticing a minor change in the demographic of minority students in the College. There's more diversity! I, myself, being one of the very few minorities in my graduating year, I'm very happy to see the promotion of minorities that the College is pushing for. What I am dissapointed with the college is the constant push for Aboriginal content in my teaching. Yes, I understand that a majority of students I will be teaching will be Aboriginal.. but what about the other percent.. how about the Latino, Jewish, Japanese, Korean, German, Arabic, or Chinese populations to name a few?? Does anyone consider them? Why not the constant push for these cultures in curriculums? I, personally, find it kind of offensive. I would have loved to learn during my highschool career about the chinese settlers that arrived in Canada and how they were treated by Canadians, my ancestors. But I didn't. It's like the education system is ignorant of other cultures or something.

Okay, this might push some buttons.. so beware.. I think the College of Education is just trying to cover their butts to be honest. Like many White-Caucasian Canadians, they have to be politically correct and conciously aware of what they say or act about Aboriginal peoples (can't say Indian, cause that's offensive.. why are there SUNTEP and ITEP programs and not any other programs? etc..) The College just wants a pat on the shoulder for promoting First Nations Cultures through their teacher candidates. You know what? I don't think they deserve it. The push for interns that requires them to incorporate Aboriginal Content into lessons doesn't feel real or genuine, it feels like a chore from the College. Has anyone noticed, we're not a two-dimensional society.. there are so many dimensions, that God can't even keep track.. So, my rant is to the College for not successfully exposing and adovocating multiculturalism for new teachers arriving to the College of Education. Keyword is multiculturalism.. not Aboriginal..

Another point to make.. they keep saying "inclusion".. well.. I'm being excluded out (as a minority) in the content being taught to students. Maybe this is more towards the ministry and not the college.. but point still stands..

Just let us teach what we want to teach.. that's all I ask. If it relates.. then I'll put it in.. if it doesn't.. leave me alone.. I'm not going to find the volume of a teepee because it relates to First Nations. That my friends, is pure tokenism. If you can't do it well, then don't do it all.

ON A SIDENOTE: This blog looks great. I've decided not to move to wordpress, since I was playing around with the html for movabletype. I think I'll use the wordpress account as my e-portfolio.

Posted by rom559 at 03:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I don't know why I failed to mention this but.. a few weeks ago, two interns and I returned to the school for a basketball tournament. We visited some classes and saw some teachers. During my internship, I mentioned that I did the "favourite teacher" activity with my kids (courtesy of samjshah). Well when us interns visited one of the teachers, I noticed that he had hung up his "favourite teacher cards" behind his desk.

So I did it. I managed to "leave something" for my school as my college supervisor suggested doing but I didn't know how. Then I thought there has to be other teachers that saved their cards as well. That made me think that if I made a minor impact on this school, imagine what will happen when I do this for real.

Posted by rom559 at 01:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So here is a random thought.. I was sitting in class yesterday, thinking about my professor. Then thought about all of my other professors, these people have lives just like you and me. It's kind of funny how I said in a previous post that my students should see their teachers as "people" too. I guess I should do the same.

It's weird to think that one prof is so tough and straight to the point, and when they go home, they're a dad and he suddenly becomes so dedicated to their kid. It's like when I think about President Obama and how he's the leader of a country and when he goes home, he's just a dad.

I mean it's weird to see professors out and about whether it's grocery shopping or at a restaurant. But then I think again, these people need to eat too.

It's kind of random.. But I guess I just see what my students see me as. It's weird that there always is that invisible line.

Posted by rom559 at 06:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So it's been about two and half months since I've been out of the classroom. And you know what? I really miss it. I miss my classroom. I miss my kids. I miss teaching. Being back at school feels so redundant. I'm learning about stuff I really don't care about.

So when or if I get my first job, will I remember or even know how to teach? Or to borrow a phrase from the 40 year Old Virgin, "If I don't use it, will I lose it?" Will l have to start from scratch again? I mean last year we had the opportunity to student teach at the end November and March. So I continously got the chance to teach. I think internship should be for the whole year until March. Then, April can be the month where everyone looks for jobs and prepare themselves for the real world. But no, we have to come back. Apparently, the college is revamping the program. But from what I've read from the new programs, there really isn't much of a difference. Damn college, they tell us to listen to our students. Why don't they try practicing what they preach? It just nerves me the wrong way.

Reverting back to what I was saying, I want to teach again!!! There are probably oppurtunities where I can volunteer to teach in a classroom. But I don't think it will feel the same. I don't know, maybe I should look into that. I just really want a classroom of my own, with my own students. I get excited just thinking about it.

Change of subject, I think I'm moving to wordpress. I'm trying to select a good theme before I move though. I'll try to add my e-portfolio, or parts of it onto wordpress.

Okay.. until then.

Posted by rom559 at 03:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I was flipping through my old yearbook today. It reminded me the kind of person I was. If anyone who knew me now that knew me back then, no one would ever give me a second glance. Is redemption possible? Have I changed? I don't know. I feel like I have. I wish I could go back and tell my past self that life will get better. There is always a silver lining. You just have to wait.

The whole social/popularity contest in school was so overrated, now that I think about it. I wasn't given the opportunity to speak up, express my opinion, or share my ideas. I desperately wanted to someone to notice me at least once in the day. I think about how some kids today, go through days without even being acknowledged. I think about the cliques formed in schools. Is this how we are divided up in society? Soon after graduation, cliques dissolve, personas dissapear, and people drift apart. I don't talk to any of my classmates from highschool. Is that a good thing or bad thing? If I did, I think they would still see as me as who I was in highschool.

I'm really grateful for all the people I have met after highschool. They can see me from a brand new start. No past involved. See me as who I am. As I was intended to be.

I'm also glad my students will never have to see who I was in the past. If they did, they would see how much of a coward I was. Again, I can start fresh in all of the new relationships I make.

So, should I even consider redemption? Or just close that door behind and leave it be?

Mood: reflective

Posted by rom559 at 06:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So I found a camera.

A few months ago, I came across this post from Russell Davies. He talked about how to improve yourself to be more interesting to others. The things he suggest are pretty much like New Year Resolutions, but I like them anyways. He based this on two assumptions:

"The way to be interesting is to be interested. You’ve got to find what’s interesting in everything, you’ve got to be good at noticing things, you’ve got to be good at listening. If you find people (and things) interesting, they’ll find you interesting.

The marvelous thing about tinterweb is that it’s got great tools for being interested and great tools for sharing. So I’ve used them a lot. It should, of course, be obvious that there are many other ways to be interesting. Some of them don't involve computers at all. These are just 10 things, and if you do them you’ll get more interesting. Or at the very least you’ll start practising the skills of being interesting."

Here are the list of things he suggests:

1. Take at least one picture everyday. Post to flickr.
2. Start a blog. Write a sentence at least once a week.
3. Keep a scrapbook.
4. Every week, read a magazine I've never read before.
5. Once a month interview someone for 20 minutes, work out how to make them interesting. Podcast it.
6. Collect something.
7. Once a week sit in a coffee-shop or cafe for an hour and listen to other people’s conversations. Take notes. Blog about it. (Carefully)
8. Every month write 50 words about one piece of visual art, one piece of writing, one piece of music and one piece of film or TV. Do other art forms if you can. Blog about it
9. Make something.
10. Read a book. (this one I changed)

Here is the original post: how to be interesting

I'm going to try some of these. Not sure about the scrapbooking.. but we'll see if I have time.

BTW: I updated the "About Me" post plus I'm trying to clean up this blog by editing some posts.

Posted by rom559 at 09:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Okay.. so I think I should move this blog.. I really hate the layouts and editing properties movabletype offers. We'll see..

Anyways.. School is back in full swing. It's already been 3 weeks.. Wow.. time flies by really fast. I am so behind as well. I have readings to do plus resume stuff that I should have done during the break but I didn't. I really thought I would start the new year off good.. well I'm trying to fix it. My plan is to apply for like 4 divisions within Saskatchewan. I definitely want to try for Lloydminister though. I've been talking to some people about Saskatoon Public.. The horror stories.. apparently it doesn't matter how much teaching experience you have or whether you're a really good teacher.. it's the connections you have for the school you want. They'll only hire you if someone knows you.. and! not only that.. you have to go through a terrifying ordeal of two interviews just only to get on the freakin sub list!!.. just to sub!.. no thank you.. I would rather wait for a contract thank you very much. I guess they do take into consideration the teaching areas you have.. but still unlikely it would be get me anywhere with what I can offer.

I went back to the school last Friday.. it was fun.. I only went in the afternoon.. but I got such a nice welcome. I didn't expect any of the kids would stalk me.. but they did.. lol.. three of the girls found out I was coming.. so they were trying to find me all noon hour. until they spotted me.. so I hung out with them for a bit.. such funny girls.. I was glad I stopped by the grade 10 math class.. they were studying for their final.. so I helped and answered questions.. To be honest, it felt kind of weird to be back.. not being their teacher.. I hope they do good on their exam.. btw.. they don't get a cheat sheet.. :(..

Ugh.. so what else.. um.. parents don't get to go to by grad banquet which I'm kind of bummed about. I mean it was kind of my fault.. They're going to Hong Kong.. and I forgot to inform them that my grad was on the 12th of March. By then, their tickets were booked. It's not the end of the world or anything.. it would be nice if they were there. They still get to go to convocation.. but really who wants to go to that??

Thank you, UofS.. for letting me know I still have $1.04 left in my retail credit from 2007.. I think I'll by a pencil or something..

I really need to finish up these application packages.. resume.. cover letter.. I just keep putting it off.. or catching up on readings.. I'll buckle down tonight hopefully.. :).. see I'm so hesitant sometimes..

I get grad photos done today.. so that will be good.. Still can't believe I'm almost done. I really hope I get a job. I'm getting nervous about the education fair coming up.. I hope i don't freeze up or anything.

okay.. so I have to walk down the bridge to Kinsmen park right now.. hopefully my runners will be nice to be today.. I really need some new shoes. Again, maybe next time you'll see me somewhere else.. maybe livejournal.. or blogger.. we'll see..

Posted by rom559 at 11:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So the two weeks of holidays are almost done. 2010 is here. Today it really hit me that I'm going back to school on Monday. I haven't taken a university class since summer. This feels weird. I feel like I should be going back to the high school to see my students. I actually really miss them. I've been thinking alot about my first few days of internship and how much I have grown since then. I remember I actually snapped at a kid.. literally snapped with my fingers at him. I'm not even sure if I'm ready to go back to school. I'm starting to fix up my resume and make it look more professional. I have 8 days until the post-internship meeting happens and my plan was to have all my stuff done in preparation for that. I still have not gone to get the application for E.A. positions.. I have to prep myself for interviews as well by the end of the month. I need to get my teacher certificate application filled out and sent soon. I also need to figure out my application packages for each school division. I feel like there is alot of work to do, and not sure where to start. Thank god I only have three classes this semester.

Well the new decade has arrived. I recently was asked what were some of the things that stood out for me this last year.. I thought I would address some of them in this entry.

Well this whole education experience has really opened my eyes towards the world of teaching and my connection to young people. It's been quite a ride to get here. I struggled with my confidence for a majority of the time. I wasn't confident that I would be accepted into the College but I got in (in my opinion, it was a pity acceptance). I wasn't confident in myself to teach a lesson, but I overcame that. I wasn't confident in starting my internship, but I made it. You see, confidence is quite an obstacle for me to overcome. I still struggle at times only with audiences that intimidate me, I guess. It's also sometimes hard for me to have confidence in myself. I always have doubts and "I can't do it" attitudes. Don't get me wrong though, I've gotten better at it.

Goals accomplished this year??

Completing my internship was a huge one for me. It really helped shape me as a person and a teacher. I've learned that I "get kids".. lol.. I know what's it like to hear someone lecture for hours and hours. I try to not make hell for them. High school is about helping a kid find out who they are. It's not about building math skills, biology skills, english skills, physed skills, or any skills. The fact of the matter is that kids are there to build relationships with themselves, peers, and teachers. That's why I believe in trying not to fill the whole hour with 100% math. Throw in random current events, random stories, random pictures, random videos.. anything random.. I hate that some kids are forced to sit through hours of lectures day after day. Kids are humans, they're not robots.. they have emotions and stresses. I wish I had a teacher that thought of their students. It's not like teachers don't care about their students.. it's just teachers don't know how students feel sometimes. It's not like I'm giving in to their requests or anything.. it's just I know what its like.. and I wouldn't want to inflict "more pain" to them..

Goals for next year??

Let's see.. number one would be is to get a job. I'm kind of nervous on where I'll get a job. I actually don't mind teaching city kids.. I really would like to get a job at where I interned.. but only in my dreams, me thinks... It won't be the end of the world to be placed somewhere else. I think the real test for myself is getting my first job. This internship was just a taste.

Keep reading the edublogs available on the web. Take and share these ideas with others. It's been quite a reward to discover the amount of experiences, professional development, lesson plans, and innovative teaching methods that are available. I hope to get more of my fellow teacher candidates to explore this method of sharing of ideas. I'm still not sure how I found these blogs.. but I hope to find more..

Another goal for myself is to get out more. Be more independent. Take risks. Make leaps. See success at the end of those risks. If I don't think positive then I won't ever take that jump.

Try not to procrastinate. I get myself into alot of trouble and stress because I procrastinate. I've done it ever since high school. Let's see if I'll change this year.

Try not to be a jerk to my sister. I will admit it, I have been a pain in the ass towards my sister this past year. Not sure why though. She's moving to another city after she graduates, so I need to smarten up these last four months and make the times I spend with her all the worthwhile. She's put up with alot of shit with me and sometimes I feel like she's the oldest.. I said sometimes.. She's had her moments where she's put me in my place. It's gonna be weird to have no one to protect and look out for. I guess we're both growing up.. This is really the first time I've come to a realization that she's leaving. She's the only person in this world that knows me really well. We get each other's inside jokes.. memories.. and experiences.. How corny it may sound, she is my best friend.. I'm really going to miss her.

2010 is going to be hard year to predict. I won't know if I'll have a job.. I don't know where I'll be a year from now. I hope a get a car though.. lol.. It's crazy it's been 10 years already.. I've grown up in this decade. 2000 I was in grade 7. Listening to Britney Spears, and Backstreet Boys... wearing some ugly overalls and these really annoying butterfly clips (that I wore until grade 11).. Ten years later.. I'm finishing university with sadly.. just one degree.. I hope to finish my Bach. Sc. later after a few years of teaching.. This next decade.. who knows what there will be.. i mean the last one.. we've discovered ipods, cell-phones, and twitter.. only time will tell I guess..

Well.. school is starting.. so to end off.. Huzzah.. Good luck to me in the coming year..

Mood: dreading school..