The Bolt

It was a friend's brithday party, and we had agreed to meet at a karoke bar around 10:00 pm. I showed up a little late, but not too much. Everyone at the table had already had a few drinks and they were all in a good mood. I knew almost everyone else in the party except for three people; two of the "almost strangers" left shortly after I arrived, leaving only one new face to me: Leah.

Leah (and don't you dare forget to pronouce the last syllable!) had only one real comrade at the table - the only other woman! The rest of us guys were quite giddy and acting our normally stupid selves. I'm pretty sure that each of us guys showed our bare chests off at least once before the night was out. No, I'm sure it wasn't necessary, but it was all in the name of having some birthday fun. As we drank more, our antics became more and more outlandish. In general, it was a bunch of adults acting a little silly.

Leah, to me, seemed a little out of place. She was certainly going along with everything, but she remained somewhat detached. I asked her how she was doing, and she said, "OK, I guess. I get embarrassed easily. Some of this is embarrassing."

As the night went on, Leah did go along with everything that we did, but something was still out of place. It was like she was acting... putting on a face, and going along with the crowd just in order not to stand out. I think she was having fun, but I also think she was genuinely shocked at some of the "funny to us" stuff that was going on.

The impression that Leah left on me was that tonight, I was not seeing the whole of Leah's personality. Yes, of course: we were drinking in a bar. One can ask: when do you ever get to see the real person when you're drinking in a bar? Actually, quite often. It's quite amazing to watch the crowd dynamics... I've been doing it for years as a DJ myself. People act very differently when they are drinking with a bunch of friends, and there is a whole wealth of psychology that goes into analyzing their social behaviour at that point.

So at the end of the night, when I was ready to go home and get some sleep, I pulled Leah aside and talked quite openly and honestly to her. Perhaps more honestly than I have spoken to another human in quite some time. I simply reminded her that she had a lot to contribute to society, and that she should feel good about who she was... confidence was a valuable asset, and self-esteem had to be believed, not just shown. More words than that, but pretty much that basic sentiment.

What did she do? Her eyes welled up with tears, she thanked me and she gave me a hug.

Wow. That's about the best end to a night of drinking that I have ever had. I think I'm going to try these motivational talks more often.... helping other people is proving to be very rewarding.